The Purple Dragon Blog

My family has been cursed, and the curse’s name is Angus.

A while back our neighbours started having trouble with their new neighbours. Specifically, their neighbour’s cat.  Angus was a very affectionate tabby the size of a small tiger with no understanding of the concept of personal boundaries. He would wander into their house in search of people, and get into a fight with the two cats that actually lived in the house. This seemed rather amusing to me at the time. In retrospect, I should have seen it as a warning.

My neighbours went on holidays earlier this week, so as usual we have been looking after their two cats. Yesterday, as I was checking on them, I heard a loud ‘mrow!’, the tink-tink of a cats bell, and looked up to see a cat trotting towards me, delighted to have company. Well, I patted him, went home and told Mum about him, and she came out and patted him too. Mistake. Angus clearly thought ‘I have new best friends!’ because when we went hoime, he followed us there.

Our own cat, less-than-affectionately known as either Fang or Dr Jekyll on account of having a second, homicidal personality, was only half Angus’s size and so terrified of him. We chased him away. Ten minutes later, there’s a loud ‘mrow!’ at the front door. I go to look. Sure enough, it’s Angus. “Go away,” I tell him. “This isn’t your house.” Twenty minutes later he is gone…

…because he walked around to the side of the house and bailed up Fang. Again, we chased him away. Some time later it was time to go shopping and pick Li’l Sis up from school. Mum ets in the car. A few minutes later I walk into the garage: Angus wanders out from underneath the front of the car and regards me with a friendly expression.  I chase him away, again.

We shop, collect Li’l Sis, go home. I’m unpacking groceries from the car when there’s a shout from Li’l Sis: “Hey, it’s Angus!” Short, amusing incident that involves yelling Li’l Sis attempting to escape affectionate cat in order to go inside. Even once everyone is inside and all doors are shut, we can still hear the tell-tale tink-tink drifting through the windows.

Six thirty. Dad gets home from work. Comes in smiling. “There’s an Angus cat out there!” he exclaims. All groan. Angus comes round to back door and mrows. Tell him to go away. Angus stays. Dad goes next door to feed neighbour’s cats; tink-tink from bushes, delighted Angus rushes after him in pursuit. “I’m being stalked,” Dad complains. Eleven pm. Am getting ready for bed. Angus jumps up onto windowsill and presses his face against window appealingly in the belief that I am the most likely person to let him in. Heart melts; Angus is clearly a cat of uncanny perception. Tell him unconvincingly that he needs to go away. Shut curtains. Listen to tink-tink until asleep.

Awake at five fifty-five next morning. Groggily work out that someone is going “Mrow! Mrow!” at window. Roll over so that mostly-deaf ear is presented to the open air instead of functional one. Attempt to go back to sleep. Insistent shouts of “Mrow! Mrow!” from behind curtains prevents this. Six twenty-four am sit up, blearily open eyes, pull curtain half-open, say something along the lines of “go away, Angus! Shut up!” Shut curtains again, roll onto functional ear to block sound, resume sleeping. Seven am, get woken by parents. Lie there for twenty minutes wondering if getting up is worth it. Wander into kitchen and complain about Angus. Li’l Sis notes, “I thought I heard a cat this morning.” Pause. “I heard you, too.”

Angus presents himself at back door. Yell at Angus. Angus slinks off a metre or so. Go check on Fang in the laundry. Find she hasn’t eaten her worming chews. Point at chews and explain importance of them: Fang obligingly sniffs chews, looks up, clearly saying ‘there’s no way I’m eating those.’ Swear mildly at Fang. Scold Angus for appearing at laundry door. Stalk off. Eventually leave to go into town.

As Dad said, “I think this is just the beginning of the Angus story.”

 Stay tuned.

I know it’s cheating to post things from fanfiction, but… this struck me as such a good way to get out of handing in homework…

“Where am I?” Blaise Zabini, a shy Slytherin who had no ambition—at all, asked quietly.

“Who are all of you?” asked Terry Boot, a Ravenclaw with a knack for failing…well…everything.

“Who am I?” Harry demanded, hoping his voice came out as innocent as Blaise and Terry’s. It did, and then the whole class erupted into questions regarding their identity.Professor McGonagall was staring at the class in horrified confusion. She held up her hands, her head bobbing up and down with her labored breathing.

“All of you stay here,” she urged in a panicked voice, “I’ll be right back.”

“Where is here!” A boy Harry only knew as Sessisalian—a Hufflepuff, from Harry’s magic class—demanded in near hysteria. Professor McGonagall groped with something to say for a moment and then ran out of the room with whoosh and a panic.Sessisalian and his friends, the Outkasts of Hufflepuff, jumped out of their desks and ran over to the door, to check the hallway.

“All clear!” Sessisalian’s friend, Mark, yelled.

“Thank you all,” Sessisalian said with all the grace of someone getting a Grammy, “I appreciate you taking part in this diversion, and you will get your money after I finish my Potion’s essay.”Then without further ado, Sessisalian abandoned ship.

“Class dismissed!” Mark yelled, and within two minutes, the entire room was cleared out, except for Little Miss Moon, expert deceiver, who was to lead the teachers on a wild goose chase, so everyone wouldn’t get caught. 

~Chapter Nineteen, “Something Lost, Something Found,” lunakatrina

I saw a man wander past earlier today, in a work shirt and trousers. This in itself wasn’t unusual - it was the fact that the shirt was a brilliant, astonishingly vivid purple, while the trousers were a warm brown. I thought, “there goes a man who is colorblind.”

This technique is useful for avoiding the notice of teachers, salespeople, and bosses. Works best when person/s you are avoiding being noticed by are not actually looking for you. May fail with unusually sharp teachers. Often does not work with security guards.

1.  Imagine you have your own personal energy field, stretching a foot or so beyond you in ever direction. Now imagine drawing this in - imagine the glowing energy being sucked close to you, back through your skin, so that no one walking by can come in contact with it.

2.  Relax. Make your thoughts casual and relaxed. You must not be tense, or allow youself to be anxious. Think to yourself, ‘I’m just walking along, minding my own business. I’m allowed to be doing this.’ Keep your thoughts as blank as possible. Sometimes the thought ‘I’m not here, I’m nothing’ helps.

3.  Walk casually. Remember to stay relaxed, and to keep your energy field drawn it. Without actually avoiding eye contact, try not to meet anyone’s eyes. Defocus your eyes so that you aren’t looking at anything in particular. Don’t stand too straight or tall, or walk too confidently.

4.  If you are watching the person you are trying to have avoid noticing you, it is very important to keep your eyes unfocused, and to do no more than glance at them. Focusing your gaze on them, particularly for any length of time, will attract their attention eventually, even if they arne’t consciously aware of it. (Mind you, you can use that fact to have fun - sit and stare at people in a cafe and see how long it takes before they work out they’re being watched and look at you.)

5.  When you are past the danger point, walk away as fast as you can.

Do I use this technique myself? Quite often. I’m moderately good at it; it works most of the time despite my height and everything. I find it useful when I want to sneak onto the computer when I’m not meant to. I can walk right past my parents without them noticing me. The key is to walk past and be seen, but not consciously recognised or noticed. This was also very useful with teachers, altohugh you got the occasional one with a mind like a steel trap and eyes like a hawk who would instantly hone in on anyone trying not to be noticed. It also may not work if someone is actively looking for you.