I suppose that in a loose, vague sort of way I consider myself to be a feminist. I’m a strong supporter of women’s rights to do things, and launch into those who think we can’t. So why is it that I have such a tendency to abhor the views of feminists?
Feminism, as many pioneers of women’s rights will tell you, has lost its way. Most feminists that I have heard from spend half their time telling women what they ought to do and want, how to live their lives. Women shouldn’t want to get married, want to be housewives and mothers. Women should be independent career-oriented people. If you’re married, or want to be married, want to have kids and stay at home to look after them, then somehow you’re a kind of disgrace to women as a whole.
How did we get to here? Somewhere along the line these women hijacked the feminism movement and turned it into a medium by which to impose their own life choices on others. To me, feminism ought to be, and once was, the ability to choose: the right to have an equal chance at having a fantabulous career or be a housewife. Whichever you wanted. Feminism did not mean you had to work your way up the corporate ladder in order to be an independent, self-assured woman.
And has anyone noticed that men use feminism as an excuse not to do things? Women are supposed to be only doing half the work in relationships, but in reality these days it’s more likely that not only do they have to do all the housework and manage the kids, but look after their careers on top of that. How often do you see a dad arranging dinner or doing a bit of washing or vacuuming to balance everything out?
What concerns me most, though, is my generation. A generation or two ago women fought for the right to have sex without condemnation; now the situation is almost reversed. “Women can have sex whenever and with whomever they want, can’t they? So why aren’t you doing it? You must be a deviant or frigid or something, right?” is basically the response teenage girls get these days. Fending off amorous boyfriends these days is much harder when everybody’s doing it. “Don’t you love me?” they ask. Too many girls now agree to have sex not because they feel ready, but because they feel that they ought to. Since when did sex become an obligation again? And I’m not even going to get started on the whole “condoms are uncomfortable, if you loved me you wouldn’t make me wear one” argument. The only thing more pathetic than that is the number of girls who cave in to it. I know girls who have done so. And making boyfriends stick to boundaries is even harder when you’re inexperienced in such matters. What is reasonable? What should you allow? What’s ‘normal’ for a teenage relationship? Everyone has a different answer in a post-sexual-revolution age when the fact that sex is acceptable makes it seem odd when you don’t want it. There aren’t guidelines anymore. The sexual revolution fed into a new philosophy, that you are required to have sex, and feminism isn’t helping here. Feminists aren’t in touch with the young women of today, don’t sympathise with their values or accept them. Is it really a surprise, when you take into account the fact that feminists oppose many of the goals and values of the current generation, that the word ‘feminist’ has become an insult in some circles?
Feminism desperately needs a revamp and some more tolerant, broad-mind people who aren’t just regurgitating 70s feminist propaganda, but represent the needs and values of today’s young women. The world has changed, people. Feminism needs to do so also.
