Feminism
I suppose that in a loose, vague sort of way I consider myself to be a feminist. I’m a strong supporter of women’s rights to do things, and launch into those who think we can’t. So why is it that I have such a tendency to abhor the views of feminists?
Feminism, as many pioneers of women’s rights will tell you, has lost its way. Most feminists that I have heard from spend half their time telling women what they ought to do and want, how to live their lives. Women shouldn’t want to get married, want to be housewives and mothers. Women should be independent career-oriented people. If you’re married, or want to be married, want to have kids and stay at home to look after them, then somehow you’re a kind of disgrace to women as a whole.
How did we get to here? Somewhere along the line these women hijacked the feminism movement and turned it into a medium by which to impose their own life choices on others. To me, feminism ought to be, and once was, the ability to choose: the right to have an equal chance at having a fantabulous career or be a housewife. Whichever you wanted. Feminism did not mean you had to work your way up the corporate ladder in order to be an independent, self-assured woman.
And has anyone noticed that men use feminism as an excuse not to do things? Women are supposed to be only doing half the work in relationships, but in reality these days it’s more likely that not only do they have to do all the housework and manage the kids, but look after their careers on top of that. How often do you see a dad arranging dinner or doing a bit of washing or vacuuming to balance everything out?
What concerns me most, though, is my generation. A generation or two ago women fought for the right to have sex without condemnation; now the situation is almost reversed. “Women can have sex whenever and with whomever they want, can’t they? So why aren’t you doing it? You must be a deviant or frigid or something, right?” is basically the response teenage girls get these days. Fending off amorous boyfriends these days is much harder when everybody’s doing it. “Don’t you love me?” they ask. Too many girls now agree to have sex not because they feel ready, but because they feel that they ought to. Since when did sex become an obligation again? And I’m not even going to get started on the whole “condoms are uncomfortable, if you loved me you wouldn’t make me wear one” argument. The only thing more pathetic than that is the number of girls who cave in to it. I know girls who have done so. And making boyfriends stick to boundaries is even harder when you’re inexperienced in such matters. What is reasonable? What should you allow? What’s ‘normal’ for a teenage relationship? Everyone has a different answer in a post-sexual-revolution age when the fact that sex is acceptable makes it seem odd when you don’t want it. There aren’t guidelines anymore. The sexual revolution fed into a new philosophy, that you are required to have sex, and feminism isn’t helping here. Feminists aren’t in touch with the young women of today, don’t sympathise with their values or accept them. Is it really a surprise, when you take into account the fact that feminists oppose many of the goals and values of the current generation, that the word ‘feminist’ has become an insult in some circles?
Feminism desperately needs a revamp and some more tolerant, broad-mind people who aren’t just regurgitating 70s feminist propaganda, but represent the needs and values of today’s young women. The world has changed, people. Feminism needs to do so also.
Dorian Gray said,
May 12, 2007 @ 4:00 pm
I feel bad after reading that :-(
Although you’re right on a great many points. I’ll finish up that post for my blog on a related topic and put it up. Although, this is the same one I’ve been saying I’d get up since September…
Nein! Tomorrow, it will be done. Just you see.
Gordon_wd said,
June 11, 2007 @ 3:13 pm
Hola!
Check this out!
*
Grace said,
August 19, 2007 @ 8:32 pm
Hey I just randomly came across this post while searching for something feminism related
and thought I would comment because I found your post interesting. I am a 23 year old
heterosexual feminist, and I can understand your point of view. It’s easy to see feminism
as a tired movement of the 70s that has failed to move with the times, but let me tell you
as someone who is on the inside - it HAS moved with the times. As a young feminist there
is a lot to learn from 2nd wave feminists and it can be difficult at times because some
of the ideals are different but essentially the view is the same, just tailored to modern socety.
I am anti-pornography, pro-choice, and also pro-marriage, pro-family and pro-housewife
if that is the choice of the individual. I personally want to get married and have children,
but don’t want to be a housewife because i’m too lazy to have responsibility for keeping
a whole house in order!
The more people realise that feminists aren’t just women in their 40s and 50s who are trying to win
a fight they’ve already won (it ISN’T won by the way, the pay gap is still ridiculous for
part-time workers and sexism in the workplace is rife, even within companies with “diversity”
policies), and are in fact women AND MEN of all ages trying to make changes in a society
that champions ‘empowerment’ through choosing to strip (rather than being made to) for
the satisfaction of men who don’t care whether you chose to or not, and that thinks sexism
doesn’t exist anymore because women get the same as men (why does it have to be the same
and not the woman-centred equivalent?), the more people will stop feeling threatened by
what they think feminism is. I’m not saying that’s what you meant but that is the case for
a lot of people.
Anyway, I just wanted to share that with you. I hope I haven’t said anything that would
cause you to take offence, and i’m really sorry if the formatting of my comment looks
strange - when I was typing the words were disappearing out of the edge of the box instead
of wrapping to the next line so I had to hit return at the end of each line (please fix if it
looks stupid)!
Grace
p.s. most of us don’t waste time telling other women what they should and shouldn’t
do these days either, unless we’re trying to enlighten them out of concern that they
are unwittingly pandering to patriarchy while thinking they are empowered - once they
know the background, if they make the choice to carry on, it’s up to them.