The Purple Dragon Blog

Found this image by Starseige, at this link. Immature though it is, it gave me the giggles.

Sorry it’s been so long; I was threatened with terrible fates is I went on the internet when Mum wants me, which is just about all the rare time I spend at home, and the rest of the time Dad was on here.

 Lil Sis went back to school today. She informed me that a friend of hers took her guineapig to the vet…. to find out it had menopause… which I didn’t know guineapigs got…. and I’ve had guineapigs since I was eleven…

You know the Beatles song ‘Yellow Submarine’? ‘We all live in a yellow submarine, a yellow submarine, a yellow submarine’? Three year old S. at work (whose parents listen to older music a fair bit, I gather) came in singing “We all live in a tub of margarine...” She actually thought those were the words…. Lil Sis insists on singing those lyrics now. Personally I fee that the joke is getting old after several weeks.

Have tracked several people from high school down on facebook. Interesting.

 Am thinking of doing a fictional serial on this blog as well as the usual - what do you think?

————————

*   “Let’s just say that if complete and utter chaos was lightning, he’d be the sort to stand on a hilltop in a thunderstorm wearing wet copper armour and shouting ‘All gods are bastards’.”

– Rincewind discussing Twoflower (Terry Pratchett, The Colour of Magic)

From chapter two of my Doctor Who fanfiction “The Former Companions Club“. Because I haven’t got around to finishing the other thing yet.

——————————————————————

THE FORMER COMPANIONS’ CLUB:

PHONE CALL

——————————————————————

The Doctor slowly backed away from the hostile men aiming weapons at him,

“Now, look, this really isn’t necessary,” he began. “In fact, it’s not even a good idea really, considering the tendency of fluorine to combust in the presence of – anyway, trust me, letting those off in here would not be a good idea. I suggest – ”

Doo-doo-doo-da-dat-doo-eee…

The Doctor frowned as irritating music burst from somewhere about his person.

“Sorry, won’t be a moment,” he said, patting his pockets and momentarily reflecting on the disadvantages of dimensionally-transcendent pockets when you wanted something, until he finally fished out a mobile phone, beep.

“Hello?”

There was the sound of raucous female laughter on the other end

“I said I’d call you!” Martha laughed. She didn’t sound precisely sober.

“Ah, yes,” the Doctor scratched the back of his head and eyed the blasters, “listen, now’s not the time –”

“No, no, my new friends want to talk to you, here –”

“YOU BASTARD!” the Doctor winced and held the phone away from his ear, “it’s all your fault All I wanted was to be an air hostess, and air hostess, find a decent bloke and settle down, but noooooo, aliens, always aliens, everywhere I go –”

“Tegan?”

“ – I’m cursed, you wanker, cursed –”

He could hear Martha laughing in the background.

“Tegan, you can’t say that – hahaha – no – oh my god, you make an angry drunk, hehheh…”

Tegan continued on.

“I hope someone – hey!”

“It’s my turn,” declared yet another familiar voice in the background, triumphantly, then spoke into the phone. “Hello Doctor. I don’t think you thought you’d hear from me again.”

“Sarah Jane?” The Doctor was getting bewildered. Also apprehensive. Once he’d been innocent enough to think companions meeting was a good idea, now he knew better. No good could come of this…

A squabble over the phone had apparently erupted at the other end.

“Stop snatching, Tegan –”

“Give it back, I hadn’t finished yet –”

“It’s my phone –”

“ – bloody bastard –”

“ – for heaven’s sake, can’t you –”

“ – my turn, you! –”

“I said, it’s my bloody phone!” Click.

-

The Doctor stuck the phone back in his pocket, shaking his head. From now on he was only going to read the messages. In relief he turned back to the men with laser blasters. He could deal with these.

“Now,” he said, “and I hate to be the one to point this out, but you’re at a particular disadvantage here, because you’re all holding blasters emitting beams of visible light concentrated into laser form by filtering them through an array of artificially-produced crystals, all of which are in fact produced at one particular frequency and are therefore vulnerable to disruption by sonic waves at that frequency. And this, in my pocket, just happens to be a sonic screwdriver –”

oo o0o oo

The next morning Martha lay on the floor and wondered why they’d all decided to have that extra shot of Sambucca. She felt ill. Trying to move as little as possible and squinting at the light, Martha cast her eyes around the room. Sarah Jane was draped unconscious over the sofa, while Tegan –

The sound of someone throwing up came to Martha’s ears. A few minutes later Tegan staggered in, grey-faced, tripped over a footstool and went sprawling over Sarah Jane.

“Uarrughh!”

“Oh, my head –”

“God, what did I drink?”

Martha wasn’t really listening to them moan. She’d had several minites to think already. And, unfortunately, remember.

“Erm,” she said hesitantly, “did we really, um, ring the Doctor last night while we were pissed?”

Long silence.

“I’m depressingly certain that we did.”

“Bugger.”

END

Found something that set me laughing hysterically; ‘50 Things I am Not Allowed to do at Hogwarts.‘ It has *counts* 12 appendices full of additions to the original list, and includes references to lots of facets of poular culture. I like this one:

-I am not able to see the Grim Reaper, nor am I to claim that he is standing by the Headmaster, tapping an hourglass and looking at him impatiently. Or, for that matter, Harry Potter.

Also:

-Please do not refer to Dumbledore as Methuselah.

And:

-Not allowed to play poker with Tarot cards anymore, last time I did, I got a royal flush and the Dark lord returned. 

And another:

-Nor will I send magical equipment to Caltech or MIT in exchange for full tuition.
-By “I,” we actually mean you, Hermione.

And lastly:

-I will not enchant Hermione Granger’s Time turner to rotate every half hour.

I was on the train this morning when a bunch of high school girls get on, and didn’t ppay attention until someone said, “hey, why have you got a kitten?” I look over, and on this girl’s lap is a maroon school jumper made into a sort of nest, and wrapped inside is a tiny, sleeping black kitten curled into a ball. It was really cute. At one point it woke up and started squeaking, which I didn’t know kittens did;  so there was this high-pitched tiny ‘meep, meeeep,’ noise until the girl settled it back down again and it went back to sleep in the jumper. Kittens should be on trains more often, I think, even if it is against some council by-law or something.

Week before last ended horribly; one of the disabled children tried to bite my thumb off and was prised off my poor thumb with difficulty; I got slapped; someone threw a large plastic toy at the back of my head; and when I was dealing with H. (henceforth referred to as ‘that f***er’ when I am really mad) sucker-punched me in the gut and when I doubled over tried to climb the fence. So I was glad to have a fairly restful one last week. Hopefully this week will be nice too. I work the rest of the week. *droops* I hope you all feel for me. I get beat up by preschoolers.

I have discovered a great new Doctor Who fanfiction author, LizBee ( also at her website, also on ffnet, and here’s a funny Doctor cartoon by her on her deviantart account) although for some reason she spreads her work across a wide range of virtual places so that you have to visit everywhere to read all her stuff. She, like me, also lives in Brisbane, which is why ages ago she gave the following Doctor Who quote:

Tegan: What’s a Zero Room anyway? The Doctor said something about ‘null interfaces’.
Nyssa: I suppose it’s some sort of neutral environment. An isolated space, cut off from the rest of the universe.
Tegan: He should’ve told me that’s what he wanted. I could’ve shown him Brisbane.

 - which is of course, totally untrue in a sort of half-true way. I mean, we’re not some backwards little country town, we’re a million-and-something city, but it’s true we’re not that in connection with the rest of the world. We live up the top right corner when most everyone’s in the bottom right (you don’t want to go there, it’s cold and sometimes it snows, even.)

Also, I found out how to get Freema Agyeman’s autograph from her website, which of course I will lose no time in doing because I am a complete nerd.

Meme time! Was I tagged for it? No. Will that stop me? No.

Meme: Post a list of your top five favorite fics you’ve written, regardless of fandom or the reason you love them. This isn’t about the BEST things you’ve written, but what you LOVE most.

Fave Fics List (in random order):

1.  A Forcible Nuisance. Vader has a daughter. Sometimes he wonders why he wanted one. I wrote this in, oh, grade twelve, which is when I really got started in fanfiction but was still pretty amateurish. I like it because I think I capture the father/kid daughter dynamic really well. It was inspired by the ‘Luke brought up by Vader’ series by Kitt, which is still awesome, touching and hilarious. (link)

2. Morerta and the Plague of Harry Potter fanfics. After a long absence, the goddess of Literature finds lit has been invaded. I liked this. It was sort of semi-parody, semi-original. One of my first really good stories, I think. Not brilliant, but good writing, good characters, amusing, all in a little one-shot format. It was really the one where I realised I’m better at writing humour than anything else. Anything else comes across as silly. (link)

3. The Necromancer. When Voldemort tries to resurrect Slytherin, someone else is along for the ride - Slytherin’s wife, aka the infamous Necromancer. Naturally Dumbledore hires them as teachers. Is that man insane? This is unfinished, but it’s one of my most-reviewed fics ever. It was a great idea, that I could have made work really well, but my inspiration didn’t extend to the details, so it lingers in the limbo of ‘things to one day be updated … if I can.’ (link)

4. Odd Companions. When Harry begins at Hogwarts, he brings a disconcerting friend, the Grim Reaper himself.  The first story I’ve successfully planned out and kept going even after the initial inspiration burned out. Also my most popular fic to date. Proud of this one. It’s a working fic. (link)

5.  Old Magic.  This has a whole lot of ideas not often seen in the HP fandom, based on old mythologies and ways of regarding nature. Came about after a discussion with my mum of how the old ‘mother goddess’ religions could apply to Lily Potter in the HP ‘verse, after things written in the earlier books. This story has a lot of depth to it, in the sense it draws on a lot of sources, it’s got a lot of potential, and it’s original. (link)

Less fandom next time.

I know it’s cheating to post things from fanfiction, but… this struck me as such a good way to get out of handing in homework…

“Where am I?” Blaise Zabini, a shy Slytherin who had no ambition—at all, asked quietly.

“Who are all of you?” asked Terry Boot, a Ravenclaw with a knack for failing…well…everything.

“Who am I?” Harry demanded, hoping his voice came out as innocent as Blaise and Terry’s. It did, and then the whole class erupted into questions regarding their identity.Professor McGonagall was staring at the class in horrified confusion. She held up her hands, her head bobbing up and down with her labored breathing.

“All of you stay here,” she urged in a panicked voice, “I’ll be right back.”

“Where is here!” A boy Harry only knew as Sessisalian—a Hufflepuff, from Harry’s magic class—demanded in near hysteria. Professor McGonagall groped with something to say for a moment and then ran out of the room with whoosh and a panic.Sessisalian and his friends, the Outkasts of Hufflepuff, jumped out of their desks and ran over to the door, to check the hallway.

“All clear!” Sessisalian’s friend, Mark, yelled.

“Thank you all,” Sessisalian said with all the grace of someone getting a Grammy, “I appreciate you taking part in this diversion, and you will get your money after I finish my Potion’s essay.”Then without further ado, Sessisalian abandoned ship.

“Class dismissed!” Mark yelled, and within two minutes, the entire room was cleared out, except for Little Miss Moon, expert deceiver, who was to lead the teachers on a wild goose chase, so everyone wouldn’t get caught. 

~Chapter Nineteen, “Something Lost, Something Found,” lunakatrina

I saw a man wander past earlier today, in a work shirt and trousers. This in itself wasn’t unusual - it was the fact that the shirt was a brilliant, astonishingly vivid purple, while the trousers were a warm brown. I thought, “there goes a man who is colorblind.”

I bought a set of DVDs today: the Firefly tv series, on special in JB Hi-Fi for $30AU. I don’t think that this show ever actually screened in
Australia, but apparently you can buy it here anyway, although it’s a bit hard to track down. Serenity, the movie remake of the show, is easier to find, but apparently it’s not as good. This is what tvrage.com had to say about the plot:

In Firefly, a highly underrated science fiction/western hybrid, Joss Whedon manages to create an interesting, thrilling, and often deep, series packaged with bold statements, character depth, compelling plots and typical Whedonesque wit. Firefly is set five hundred years in the future, within a solar system controlled by the central government, The Alliance. Captain Malcolm Reynolds (Nathan Fillion), who was involved in the war against The Alliance, leads the crew of his firefly-class ship, Serenity, on a journey with no destination. Always moving and trying their best to steer clear of The Alliance, Mal and his team do all that they can to survive, picking up passengers and often taking on shady jobs from even shadier people. When one of Serenity’s passengers is discovered as a fugitive running from The Alliance, things get slightly more complicated for the crew of Serenity - a crew with a dynamic that renders Firefly as a highly enjoyable series.

It won New Scientist magazine’s spot as no. 1 sci-fi series in 2005, and has achieved cult status in America. So how did I get interested in it? Well, to be honest, I got hooked on a highly amusing fanfiction piece by nonjon that happened to be a Harry Potter/Firefly crossover. The summary says:

WIP. [Firefly:­­­­:Harry Potter crossover] Post Serenity. Two years have passed since the secret of the planet Miranda got broadcast across the whole ‘verse in 2518. The crew of Serenity finally hires a new pilot, but he’s a bit peculiar.

Basically, a long time ago everyone’s favorite wizard put himself into an enchanted sleep, to be broken when the wizarding world needed him. Well, he’s awake now, but… where are all the wizards? It’s a pretty good story. I think I’ll finish this post with some quotes. 

 <<< “It’s not like they didn’t prepare for this,” Harry argued. “They knew what they were doing when they went to sleep.”   “If you say so,” Mal grinned. “I know most large groups of people magically appearing in the wee hours of the morning completely naked and passing out are usually the ones right on top of things. But it’s possible their plans may have altered on them in the last 250 years.”  “We’ll see,” Harry replied with more confidence than he felt.  “Harry!” Inara called from the restaurant. “Simon says your guy fell asleep on the toilet. He’s offering 100 platinum to whoever pulls the guy’s pants up.”>>>  

 <<<Algernon turned to Fullerton. “Is the future just really messed up?”  “No,” River answered. “It’s Harry. The future doesn’t have anything to do with it.”>>>   

<<<“Turns out… Harry’s crazy… even by crazy’s standards.”>>>

 <<< “Just checking,” Harry replied cheekily. “And to answer your question, no, I don’t. I’ve just never liked large crowds or groups of people. I had to give a speech this one time and a friend told me it helps to picture them naked. And she was right. I was surprisingly more relaxed imagining a whole sea of bare breasts that I was talking to, rather than just people staring at me, hanging on my every word. Now it’s just a habit that when there’s enough people around, I undress them all with my eyes.”  “And you’re first drawn to the large, sweaty men with hairy backs?” Simon clarified.   Harry nodded while scanning through the crowd, half-heartedly hoping for any sign of a wizard or witch.  “It’s kind of hard to miss them, when they’re naked.”>>>

Also posted at TARDIS Answering Machine Messages

Ninth Doctor: Hello, you’ve reached the TARDIS, we can’t come to the phone right now because… Rose, why are we recording this message? This isn’t even a real phone.

——-
TARDIS: Hello, this is the TARDIS speaking. I suppose you want to speak to the Doctor. The Doctor, it’s always the Doctor. Well excuse me, I’m the one doing all the time-travelling y’know! It’s not like the Doctor can do it by himself! Leave him stranded in Cardiff and precious little time-travelling he’d do then, no! Anyway, leave a message and it’ll eventually get back to big ears once he stops fiddling with my spatial displacement modulation circuits. Probably.

——-
Rose: Mum, if that’s you, you can stop calling now. I’m okay, alright? And you’ve used up all the tape for the answering machine with your forty-seven other messages.
Ninth Doctor: This is why I don’t do domestic.

——-
Ninth Doctor *from afar*: Oi! Mickey! What are you doing?
Mickey: Nuthin, Doctor.
*approaching footsteps*
Ninth Doctor: You haven’t been touching anything, have you?
Mickey: No way, I’m not messing about with any of that weird alien stuff.
Ninth Doctor: Good. I don’t want you stuffing anything up.
*receding footsteps*
Mickey: Hello, this is Mickey Smith. I’m in a time-machine, can you believe that? Anyway, you’ve reached the TARDIS. Jackie, yeah Rose is fine, I’m taking good care of her. Anyone else, leave a message, alright?

——
Rose: Hello, I’m Rose Tyler, and you’ve reached the TARDIS. The Doctor’s not here, I think he must have been eaten by an alien or something. Or else they’re actually old friends he met somewhere like Raxicoricophalovitorius. Oh my God, I think I actually said that right. Anyway, I’d answer the phone, but I tried to do that before and all the lights went out. So leave a message, and I’ll get the Doctor to get back to you when he gets back.

——
Ninth Doctor: Hello, this is the Doctor. Rose, I am not going to come get you. Absolutely not. Nope. I told you this would happen if you went off by yourself, but no, you just had to go off and explore, didn’t you? Well I’m just going to sit right here Rose, and keep on fixing the TARDIS. Maybe Ricky-boy can help you out.

*pause*

Oh, fine, but next time you’re getting out of it by yourself, you hear me?

I don’t usually post fic links, but I found a Star Wars one that had me howling with laughter and since a large part of my readership are SW fans I thought I might as well post it… and since I posting one funny fic link I might as well post some others…

Oh, and in a shameless plug, my fanfics are at http://www.fanfiction.net/~tardisistheonlywaytotravel

Star Wars/HP Crossover

Merry Christmas, Voldemort! - A neat use of the Imperial March in an HP fic.

Read the stuff by Kenya Starflight on fanfiction net for funny SW, SW/HP stuff. ‘The Stag and the Dragon’ is great.

HP

Twists of Fate - Harry Potter was disowned by his parents when he was Turned by a vampire as an infant. Now Ryan Lupin, the young vamp begins at Hogwarts.

Trading Spaces - In an effort to promote house unity, prefects are placed in other houses. Thus, Malfoy is a Gryffindor and Harry a Slytherin. This is truly a delight and joy thanks to the Slytherin house mascots, a pair of snakes named Snippy and snarky who give Fred and George a run for their money.

The Remedy - After hearing the prophecy, Harry decides that if he’s gonna die he might as well have some fun first.

This Means War! - When the Weasley boys break up another of Ginny’s relationships, she decides to get revenge. Features medium-level superHarry.

Are You Off Your Rocker? - When a bored Harry comes up with a list entitled ‘Ways to annoy Snape,’ he and his friends can’t resist following its instructions.

A Sorting Song by Severus - What if it was actually the teachers who wrote the Sorting Hat’s songs, and they all took turns? What would happen if Dumbledore was foolish enough to let Severus have his turn?